


Cake

by Tes_aes



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Depression, F/M, Incest, Loneliness, M/M, Minor Character Death, Orphanage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 20:04:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13597356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tes_aes/pseuds/Tes_aes
Summary: Blow out the candles, touch the bottom of the cake





	Cake

“Blow out the candles Go,” His mother’s soft voice reminded, presenting the young boy with a cake the same as his sisters.

He looked at the identical girl beside him and they shared a delighted smile; squeezed each other’s hand before turning to try and beat the other at blowing out all six candles. Their mother clapped and started the cheer of “hip-hip hooray!” again. Kanan was taking up the butter knife to cut her cake for them to enjoy. The knife touched the bottom as she quickly turned to kiss her younger twin on the cheek.

Hakkai jerked back to reality almost violently, black coffee splashing out of his cup and onto his hand. It hurt, but the dull ache in his chest and the lump in this throat felt worse as Sanzo yelled at the other two of their party. Apparently they’d managed to pour syrup on the monks morning paper. Thankfully that commotion kept Hakkai under the radar, giving him time to put his cup down and pretend his hand wasn’t burnt.

“If everyone has finished their morning meal I believe we should be moving on, we’ve got quite a few miles between here and the next town,” He got three different replies all resembling ‘yes’.

Standing and brushing his hands down his tunic, Hakkai fixed his usual smile and left the room to check the supplies as well make sure Jeep was prepared for today’s drive. He watched his feet, thinking about the date and what it had meant to him in the past.

September 21th. He was in the orphanage, his parents having forgotten about him. They didn’t want a child like him. Obsessive and manipulative they called him. It was his 12th birthday. A dry fruit pudding was place in front of him as the other children and the nuns sung a dull tune, he didn’t want to blow it out. He wanted to throw it on the floor and run away.

Sister Eileen was gripping his shoulder. She was the only one who knew what he was really like. The respected each other but didn’t exactly like one another. Gonou was digging his nails into his skin, numb to the feeling as they waited for him to be happy and blow the candle. Who were they kidding they just wanted to eat the pudding. Next they wanted him to cut the cake but he refused. Kanan wasn’t here to kiss him when the knife touched the bottom.

Sand and dirt whirled around the Ikkou as Jeep sped on through the Chinese countryside.  This side of china was nowhere near as cold during September as what they were used to in the East, Hakkai felt it was more autumn for some reason, maybe it was all the orange dust the closer they go to India. There were barely any trees out this way now, it made the healer long for some leaves to step on and a scarf to wrap around himself. Hakkai tried his hardest to keep the forlorn expression from over taking his expression, they could see a town fast approaching, hopefully Hakkai could have a moment to himself while they were there.

Gonou was quietly waiting. The arrangements had been made and under a silly errand he’d gotten his sister out of their house for enough time to bake a cake and place few celebration decorations around the house. The children at the school had made cards and small gifts for him and his sister. It was so sweet.

“I’m back-“ Kanan stopped as she opened the door and a smile spread over her face, “why you.”

The younger boy smiled and stood as his sister approached, “Happy birthday.”

“Happy birthday to you too,” She kissed him, “Better blow out the candles and make a wish.”

“I wish to be with you forever” He whispered.

He picked at his meal. It tasted of nothing while memories resurfaced. Hakkai knew he was drawing attention to himself and he wished to be out of eye sight and in the dark. Surely the other three would understand. He resisted another sigh, how cliché he thought and quietly feed the little white dragon his meal.

It had been long enough; He excused himself and dragged his heavy body up the stairs of the inn. The hallway seemed so long as he looked at his hand. She did not deserve any of that, neither did he. Hakkai just wanted happiness. Maybe she was taken because he said his wish aloud. When his mind came to that conclusion over a year ago, Hakkai made a habit out of avoiding all expression of wishes or desires.

“You could barely get any!” Kanan laughed at her younger brother as he leant over their shared noodle bowl.

“It’ hard!” Gonou complained, “And I don’t like noodles that much anyway!”

“Well it means you’re going to have a short life,” She picked up that bitten end of the noodle and began her turn at the longevity noodle, a birthday tradition.

Gonou shook his head and cheered her on as she sucked up a fair portion of noodle with a triumphant smile. The twins laughed, joking about the length of their lives and what the future would hold.

Hakkai thought back on the memory with bitter resentment. He was never able to get much of the longlivity noodle and his lifeline was near nonexistent. So why was he still alive and Kanan gone. He felt tears prick and close his eyes in a long blink to let them fall. The pitiful sniffle he gave made him feel even sorrier for himself. He wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. He knew he would feel better once he let it all out.

“Kai?” The knock on the door and hushed voice of his closest friend, startled the chi user as he was quickly wiping tears away and trying to return his face to normality.

“Yes Gojyo?” He asked as he opened the door, hoping this would not take too long.

“I wasn’t sure if it was today or tomorrow but, uh, happy birthday?” The taller man looked nervous and he held a rice pudding topped with mango and peach.

It was such a simple and almost silly thing but Hakkai felt the tears falling again and Gojyo was already trying to fuss over him as they shuffled back into the room. Hakkai returned to his spot by the window, trying his best to hide his face, Gojyo’s hand came down on top of his head and pushed his hair back. They shared a gentle smile and Hakkai mouthed a thank you.

“I know your birthday is hard,” Gojyo produced two spoons, “But the least I can do is give you some company right?”

Hakkai chuckled as he took one of the spoons, drying his face and trying to breathe easy once again. Gojyo pulled an arm around Hakkai and held the bowl of rice pudding out. He softly sung happy birthday as Hakkai calmed from his depressive state. Once Gojyo started a small cheer and wishing Hakkai a long life, the shorter man dipped his spoon in, a little clink as it hit the bottom of the porcelain bowl.

“Oh you touched the bottom you know what that means,” and before Hakkai could respond Gojyo planed a lingering kiss on his cheek.

Hakkai held his cheek and smiled. He wasn’t going to be alone on his birthday after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Longevity noodles is a Chinese birthday tradition before western influence bought about cakes; you have to suck up as much noodle as possible before biting it off and swallowing it, the more you got the longer and generally happier your life would be. There’s nothing on the Cho family so lets pretend they had a western influence and Hakkai’s orphanage featured western nuns if I remember correctly so yeah!


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